Thank you, Mr. Labor

I’m going camping this weekend!  We have chosen to remember Mr. Labor this weekend for all of the great things he has done to make this country the great nation it is today and my family has chosen to celebrate that great man by going camping.

The camper's television!

I am really looking forward to camping!  I’m going to take my dogs and head south for cooler weather and not do much else but lie in my hammock and take my dogs on some awesome hikes.  I think I am going to bring my song books (and maybe even my guitar) and see if I can’t get some long awaited writing in too.

Any view is made better looking up from a hammock - cartoon by by Arnie Levin

The motivation for writing has been more than a little lacking these days.  It is half of the reasons I started writing this blog in the hopes that forcing myself to sit down and write something, even if it is only stupid, pointless thoughts would inspire me . . . and maybe it is working.

I actually got my song book out today to look at some of the unfinished lines I have written on receipts, traffic tickets, and anything else I could find that was close enough to me at the time of inspiration.  I had forgotten about many of them, but remembered many more and I was taken back by some of them and how good they sounded to me now.

 Many of them did not seem that good to me at the time I wrote them down, especially the ones written in the last five years and the few that I tried to finish during that period seemed forced and trite.

But now they appear to have potential and I am excited to see what may become from this weekend.  Who knows, I may come back with the first completed song I’ve written in over four years.  That is kind of exciting!

                                      I miss writing songs a lot sometimes.

Now, I understand that this is a family campout and I am probably being unrealistic as to how much alone time I will have with my thoughts.  But the potential is there and that is more than there has been in a long time.  So thank you very much Mr. Labor, here’s to you!

Happy Labor Day everyone!

Until next we meet

You are important to me

If it was not apparent from my previous blog, I have been feeling a bit world-weary lately and overwhelmed by the items I have put on my plate and the items that have been placed on my plate by others . . . okay let’s be realistic, mainly the items I have placed on my plate. I was questioning whether or not I would be able to do everything that had to get done.  What’s worse, I was questioning the point of accomplishing those items.  I was feeling a bit down on myself and a bit depressed.

Mmmm . . . that's more like it!

 The universe has a funny way of giving you what you need right when it is needed most.

Not 24 hours after voicing my frustrations publicly, I woke up to a message from one of my cousins saying that she was thinking about me.  Once a week we used to get together and watch the latest episode of Dawson’s Creek (feel free to get all of the jokes out of your system now).  She was missing those times and just wanted to let me know it.

Say what you want, but Joey was cute!

A little later that day I was shopping at Target when a young lady that was passing me took a look at me and exclaimed, ‘Hey, you’re Eric from HOBY!’  I stopped and went through my mental rolodex of names, frantically trying to find hers (I am soooo bad with names).  She told me her name and assured me that it was alright that I didn’t remember since I had so many HOBY names to remember.  She told me how much she enjoyed the last food bank event we did and I told her about the upcoming community service events we had and voiced my hopes that I would see her there.  After some more brief small talk about her senior year and such we parted and continued with the rest of our shopping.

The problem with my rolodex is it doesn't have a back so the pages keep falling off.

 All of the sudden I was riding high!

I thought about it a bit and wondered why.  What changed?  I still felt overwhelmed by my to do list.  I still felt bad for having to close achapter of my life. The message from my cousin and a conversation with a high school student didn’t change that . . . Then the reason was obvious.

Acknowledgement.

The things I was doing made a difference in the lives of people around me and two of them let me know it that day.  I was still tired and weary, but it was worth it now.

Acknowledgement. Such a simple thing that is easy to do and can make all the difference in the world to someone. It isn’t done nearly enough in my opinion.  I know I could make a better effort to acknowledge  the people around me.

So thank you to my cousin and Tess (I won’t be forgetting your name for a while now!), and the people that encouraged me after I posted my last blog.  You made a big difference in my day and gave me a better outlook.

Until next we meet.

Hard to say goodbye

Yesterday I turned in all my materials to the Red Cross to take an extended leave of absence (likely permanent).  That was pretty hard . . .

Seven years ago I got it into my head that I was living a pretty self-centered life and first looked into joining a local DAT team for the Red Cross.  It has been an enriching experience that I will not soon forget and I appreciate all of the amazing people I was fortunate enough to meet there.  The Red Cross reminded me of the deep passion I had in myself in service to others.

I have learned a lot from the life and example of a great man that said it best in a quote I first heard almost 20 years ago.  ‘I don't know what your destiny will be, but one thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve.’

'Choose your teachers well because that is your responsibility' -Andy Hersey.  Photo by Yousuf Karsh

  

I am grateful for the happiness that I have gained through my service in the Red Cross.  But lately I have felt overwhelmed and I feel like I might be losing myself in my service.  For someone who truly believes in the need for balance I sure do swing from one extreme to the other like a pendulum . . .

It was a lot more fun as a kid!

The need to regain balance in my life has bubbled to the surface and I feel the quality of my activities slipping. I wish I could have 10 more of me so that I can do everything that I want to accomplish.  The opposite reality, that I have limitations, is often hard to accept.  This has been a decision over a year in the making.

So now I must take a hard look at the direction my life is going, combined with a realistic look at my personal limitations, and close a meaningful chapter of my life.  That sucks.

Until next we meet.

Dance Like A Goober

I never thought I danced very much . . . that is, until facebook came a long.  People have tagged me in at least half a dozen photos where I was breaking it down in one form or another.

Please note that I did not say I was a good dancer.  On the contrary, I am pretty sure I am a horrible dancer.  But sometimes in life you are just so happy that there is nothing else you can do but dance.  And I am a pretty happy person – most days.

I think one of the best things I have going for myself is that I don’t let what other people think of me stop myself from doing most things.  I do not want to give the impression here that I am never concerned with how other people perceive me; I just think I move past it easier than most people.

See, the thing is I don’t think many people really are good dancers.  But that is not the point of dancing; at least not in my opinion. The point of dancing is the freedom to express the joy you are feeling when words just aren’t enough.

My cousin had a milestone birthday on Fat Tuesday this year and we went to Mardi Gras to celebrate.  As stated on facebook, one of the highlights of that night was watching me dance down Bourbon Street.  I was very happy that night, but I don’t think I ever realized that I was dancing; at least not that much. She later went on to explain that I was ‘having so much fun that it was infectious.’

That brings up another excellent point about dancing.  It is infectious.  When people see you dancing like a goober and they become aware that you do not care that you look like a goober they can’t help but smile, or laugh.  Pretty soon they may even begin to tap their foot or shake their hips ever so slightly and, before they know it, they may even start dancing themselves.  However far they let themselves get, they are happier than before you started dancing.

How could that ever be considered a bad thing?!

Therefore, if you are ever so happy that you can hardly contain yourself, I encourage you to dance like no one is watching you; especially if everyone is.

So to help with this encouragement here is some music you can't help but dance to and, I present to you sandalmarks dancing like a goober . . . courtesy of facebook:

Until next we meet.

It's All About Perspective

I haven’t had a great attitude lately.  I have felt a little frazzled lately and that has led to a selfish and bad attitude.  This attitude has manifested the most with my Red Cross activities.  For those that do not know, I volunteer for a Red Cross Disaster Action Team (DAT) that goes on call once a month for a week.  In that week we let our manager know what days and hours we would be available to go out on a call. Then, God forbid, if something should happen to a person’s home during the times that we've made known to our supervisor, we would be asked to go assess the damages and make sure that this person’s or family’s immediate needs were being met so that they could process the loss and focus on a recovery plan.

I have found myself giving fewer hours than I have available during my week and choosing hours that are less likely for an incident to happen.  Then I would hope that I would not get called, not because I did not want anyone to lose their home but because it was an inconvenience to me.  The last week I was about as bad as it has gotten; to the point where I actually did not answer a call.

Grant it, I was in a hard sleep and did not get to the phone in time.  I looked at the phone number (it was not in my contacts) and said I would not call back and go back to sleep if no message was left.

See, I have been getting calls from people trying to sell me crap and it had gotten to the point that I would screen any number that was not in my contacts (unless I was on call for the Red Cross) or showed up unavailable.  If they did not leave a message then I would not worry about it.

So I rationalized that if this caller did not leave a message, then it had to be a solicitor and I was free to go back to sleep . . . but I knew it was the Red Cross in my gut.  No message came and I went back to bed.

When I woke up in the morning, I looked at my phone and I had a message.  Crap!  I listened to the message and sure enough, it was my Red Cross manager.  I rationalized to myself that the call happened 45 minutes from when my available time was up and supervisors aren’t supposed to call with less than an hour left in your available time because no call lasts less than an hour and it would therefore go past the time that you said you could be available.  But that isn’t an actual rule; just a courtesy that some managers give when they have the option.

I sent her a message explaining why I had not answered nor responded to her message.  It was all true, but it was also just a rationalization to make me feel better about what I had done.  She called me a little later and said that it had worked out and they had found someone to go out (a manager that wasn’t even on call that week), but she wanted to verify that I would still be available for the remainder of the hours that I had given.

I said that I would still be available – I wanted to appear selfless even though in my heart all I was thinking about was how inconvenient it would be to have to go out on a call.  But they had already had a call surely the chances of another incident happening were diminished.  I was playing the odds that I wouldn’t have to go out and still look like a good and thoughtful person.

The odds failed me.

That evening the phone rang and I knew it was the Red Cross. Crap!  ‘You have to answer now, Eric. You said you were available.’  So I did and it was the Red Cross.  A storm had blown the roof off of a family’s house and the following rain poured into the house. ‘Man, I really don’t want to go out,’ I mumbled to myself. ‘I have to get up early to work in the field tomorrow and there is no way I will get a full night's sleep now.’

A family had no place to sleep and many of their possessions had been ruined and all I could think about was that I wouldn’t be getting a full night’s sleep.  I knew it was selfish, but I didn’t care.

I got into the car and the song that was playing on the radio hit me like a brick wall.

God doesn’t speak to me very much . . . at least not as clear as the message he was sending me in this song. I was seeing with the wrong eyes.  I was feeling with the wrong heart. Just like that, I had a better perspective and it wasn’t so bad that I had to go out and take this call.  In fact it was a blessing that I was able to show compassion to this family and help them through one of the hardest times they will ever have to experience.

It turned out that another house in the neighborhood lost its roof in the storm too and I agreed to take that call too without hesitation or even a thought of getting even less sleep.  Once again, it was more important to comfort a family that had just witnessed the roof over their head literally blow into their neighbor’s yard.

And just in case God hadn’t hammered the point home enough already, five hours later, as I was getting ready to pull into my house, that song came on again.  I stayed in the car to let the song finish and reflect on the days events – thankful for the experience and thankful that I still had a roof over my head to get my less than a full night’s sleep.

Until next we meet.

The Blah Blog

I had a topic picked out for this blog from a recent Red Cross experience, but it just doesn’t feel right to do at this time. I really don’t want to write about anything right now and I am reconsidering whether this is something I should even be doing with my time.  I just feel really blah right now and these entries all feel trite, pompous and self-righteous . . . ‘everyone pay attention to me!  I’m important and I have important things to say.’

What a load of crap!

I wish I could be the person I desperately try to put forward all of the time, but sometimes I just can’t get that person to make an appearance.  I typically do not leave my house when I get in this kind of funk to spare people from my negative attitude . . . who am I kidding?!  I just like people to think that I always have it all together.

But I don’t . . . and I know that no one does, but that still doesn’t stop me from wanting it.  I probably shouldn’t be posting this either.  But this is supposed to be documenting my thoughts, opinions and the person I was for a moment in time.  Well today I feel like a crappy person with crappy thoughts and I would be misrepresenting myself at this moment in time if I wrote about anything else.

Until next we meet.

Peace in the struggle to find peace

I hesitate to write about this entry for fear it will show you all just how much of a nerd I am when it comes to music . . . but I am kind of excited about it so, whatever.

Yesterday Sarah McLachlan’s Fumbling Toward Ecstasy became only the third album that I have listened to more than 200 times.  That is right; I keep track of how many times I have listened to an album . . .  well at least since February of 2003.  All of the albums I had before 2003 received an educated guess about how many times I have listened to it prior to keeping track.  I feel pretty good about that estimate though and do not believe that any number is overestimated.

If you don't have this album yet . . . Seriously?!

If anything, they are underestimated. I mean, if I have listened to Jack’s Mannequin’s Everything in Transit 106 times since December of 2005 (which I have), then surely it is safe to say I have listened to Fumbling Toward Ecstasy 200 times since the fall of 1997.  That is when I first stumbled (or should I say fumbled – I know it’s bad but I couldn’t resist) upon Sarah McLachlan’s third studio album.  It came out in 1993, so I am a little embarrassed that it took me four years to buy it, but I was a little obsessed with another album that I have listened to over 200 times so, I don’t feel too bad about it.

But I got that album at the beginning of my first year of college and it spoke to that young man searching desperately to find his own voice and figure out the person he was going to be; not the person that everyone expected him to be.  This young man that craved independence all his life, finally had it and he had to figure out what he was going to do with it.

I listen to that album now and it is drenched with memories of my first years of college and that young person just starting out in life. What a wonderful gift music is?!

It is one of the few albums I can listen to all the way through and every song is awesome! The first single is such a powerful song.  I’ve given some thought to doing a top ‘songs mistaken for love songs’ edition and it would be near the top of the list. But it was another song that spoke to the young man searching. It was the main reason this album played on repeat that year; working its way toward 200 as of yesterday. “I believe this is heaven to no one else but me . . .“ And clearly it has made an impact on my life. I have a line from the title track on my quotes on my facebook page and that line is definitely the approach I try to take in my life.

So this post goes out to all of the people starting out on life’s journey, searching for the person they are destined to become.  I envy the possibilities that you still have.  I hope that you find that person, but most importantly, I hope you find the music that inspires you to become that person.

Until next we meet.